Dear Trolls, take a break. In an ideal world we all should be feminists

If you are acquainted with social media, you will notice that the internet has a lingo of its own. You might be a millennial, but still struggle to comprehend the new-age terminologies constantly thrown at you. Whether it is following a ridiculously popular cat account, watching a Michelin star chef cooking up a storm, stalking your favourite celebrity or using your IG (Instagram) account to amplify a cause, you will realise that it’s addictive, complex and enlightening.

The downside is, of course, cyberbullying and hordes of crafty online trolls who invariably make you their arch enemy the moment they find out that you are criticizing the Centre or even worse, endorsing feminism. Let’s talk about one of the most misinterpreted or misused terms of the century ever – Feminism.

When arguments fail, trolls use ‘feminazi’

The whataboutery which you normally come across in political or social discourse – wherein the bot army or the ‘IT cell’ comes vying for you, in this case will promptly label you a ‘feminazi’ (portmanteau of feminist and Nazi) or a fake feminist. The hostility towards the feminist movement over the years is nothing new. But in today’s age of internet, even the simple act of a woman, even more so a non-conformist, doing a comedy routine on the gender pay gap, speaking about an unpleasant dating experience online or even saying that she does not enjoy cooking is bound to be attacked by men (also women) in the comments section which can vary from personal remarks to abusive rants.

There are tons of meme pages which capitalise on this trend and school us on what woman empowerment really means and expect women to take notes. A page called ‘Bengaluru Memes’ which has about 35,000 followers, had shared a meme on the day of writing this story, of a man threatening his girlfriend with a bottle of acid with the caption, “When you get to know your girl is sharing nudes with other guys.” My guess is that the page admin expected this to be funny and does not realise how insensitive it is to both women and men who are victims of domestic violence as well as acid attack survivors.

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A video recently made rounds in the social media in which BJP leader Sonali Phogat from Haryana was seen abusing and thrashing a government official. The comments section was filled with hundreds of comments condemning the incident (rightfully so) and one comment read, “Where all the feminists at?”

So, let me get this clear. Is it expected that if any woman in any part of the world commits a crime or is misusing her power, a feminist should automatically appear from nowhere and condemn the incident? Will she get a notification from the feminist app or universe which calls for her immediate intervention or she will risk being called a hypocrite?

I, being cautiously optimistic, responded, “I am a feminist and I condemn this. Phogat should have filed a police complaint if the man indeed misbehaved with her, based on her allegation. Please read up before bringing up feminism every time a woman is involved and is assumed to be a perpetrator? It’s because of men like you, we need feminism.”

Another gentleman responded to my remark with, “Feminism is a cancer and you are a cancer patient.” I lost my patience after seeing how tone-deaf that comment sounded, feeling defeated after my futile attempt to instil some sense in that virtual space. Of course, I decided to not check the other responses as I had piles of dishes waiting for me.

Roasting, the ‘it’ way to shut up ‘fake feminists’

It is often incorrectly presumed that a woman who identifies as a feminist is a misandrist, is manipulative and tries to play the ‘woman card’ to avoid being accountable. This makes one wonder that how the revolutionary movement for equal rights got so oversimplified. Detractors often use references of sitcoms or movies, especially where a female character is sexually active or is living her life unapologetically.

There is another misconception that feminists take a stand for every woman irrespective of her wrongdoing. This makes the prospect of being a feminist on internet today a gamble. Why does a woman finding her voice on a social media platform make entitled men and women uncomfortable and at the same time question their inherent patriarchy?

Many ‘internet warriors’ love to propagate the idea that feminists (which they often prefix with pseudo) are shallow, manipulative and oblivious to the realities of problems faced by the women in the rural areas (not that these trolls care about them either). But the matter of fact is that one can be a privileged, educated woman in urban India (or any part of the world) and still be a feminist while being aware of the struggles of women across regions, class and economic strata.

In fact, we know that feminism and patriarchy affects men as well. Men are expected to toughen up, not to cry or act effeminate – a result of the culture of toxic masculinity which is further perpetuated by Bollywood and mass media.

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Take the example of female digital content creators or social media influencers. If you are a comic but are not attractive or thin enough by the definition of societal standards, you will be immediately mocked for your appearance. If you are known for your fashion sense or makeup tutorials and happen to use your platform to speak against government apathy or fascism, you are asked to shut up. If you are discussing the toxic nature of online dating and how men often tend to cross boundaries while trying to hold a conversation, the response to posts of similar nature would be filled with hate, most of them implying why would any man date a woman like you.

A case in point is a recent YouTube video by Elvish Yadav ‘Roasting fake feminists’ in which he is responding to a three-year-old iDiva video titled ‘Questions women want to ask men’ featuring popular female content creators such as Kusha Kapila and Dolly Singh, among others. Honestly, the video in question comes across silly and seems to lack depth. There have been many responses to the original video by different YouTube creators (mostly men). But the most recent one by Yadav which makes a juvenile attempt and expectedly takes a dig at the women’s appearance and age.

What should feminists do? Be unapologetic  

Zomato India did a campaign in March this year for International Women’s Day, featuring successful women achievers with a hashtag #SoWhatIfIDontCook. Of course, not knowing how to cook is not something one would proudly flaunt. One may argue that it is a basic cooking skill and every person needs to know how to cook a basic meal irrespective of gender. But we also know that traditionally, a woman was expected to do the cooking and cleaning for her family, even if she had a full-time job and hiring a cook or help was more of an afterthought. This video was praised by many but had many reacting negatively and saying, “not cooking is not women empowerment”. The campaign was focusing on having that choice and not being solely judged for that.

Rewind to just three months ago when thousands of women disappeared from streets, offices and classrooms across Mexico to participate in a nationwide strike to protest the violence they suffer and to demand government action against it. This was following the global #MeToo movement and the brutal murder of Ingrid Escamilla, 25, and Fátima Cecilia Aldrighett, 7. Closer home, this reminds us of rising crimes against women and the dismal state of women’s safety. This protest for women’s rights in the most recent times reminded us that the fight we have ahead is a long-standing one and it could be on the internet battlefield and when required, could pour into the streets.

Feminism is not just a badge of honour – it is about attempting to bring a small change (via our social platforms) in our deep-rooted culture where a woman is victim-shamed or constantly made to feel guilty.

What can you do? Simply continue to be fair, be unapologetic and amplify your voice wherever you can. You can wear what you like or choose to smoke or drink or choose to work or not or become a parent or remain childless without the need to justify that. And to all those who attack feminists and accuse them of playing the ‘woman card’ (the initial reaction to most of the #Metoo allegations too), cut us some slack. Women have been oppressed and exploited by the opposite gender for centuries and if we are using the digital platform today to get simply our point across, why don’t you listen this time and understand that in an ideal world, we should all be feminists.

(The author is a freelance journalist based in Bangalore)