Mother’s Day: How a trans woman turned into a mother for gender minorities

When 20-year-old Piya left home she was both afraid and uncertain. She was scared the very family she was born into may harm her for “bringing ignominy to them by coming out as a transperson”.

“I was in depression. I was most hurt because my mother refused to accept me. She gave me birth and I craved her approval for choosing to be me,” Piya says.

Six months since, Piya is undergoing gender transformation procedures and has also found a mother in the form of 33-year-old Namitha Marimuthu.

Chennai-based Namitha is a mother not just to Piya but 29 others, helping them find acceptance, support, and acting as a bridge between trans individuals and theirfamilies. Instead of parting ways with families, Namitha believes in educating and equipping trans individuals with jobs and reconnecting them with their roots.

“I had a hard time trying come to terms with myself. It’s been six months now since I left my home. I was scared my family would come after me for bringing them shame. But Namitha amma changed my life,” Piya tells The Federal.

“When I found her, it took me time to believe I am safe. It was a friend who brought me to amma. I gained confidence being with amma and after I met other young trans individuals in the foundation — AgniArdhanarishvara — set up by amma. My family members are aware that I am with Namitha amma. They are not ready to accept me even now. But I have come out of depression. My only focus is to understand more about gender transformation and post transformation life. I have completed diploma in Hotel Management with amma’s help and support,” she added.

Namitha’s drive to do the work stems from her own story of rejection. What keeps her going are the many successes she has had in her journey.

Namitha is now a renowned Indian transgender model and social activist. But two decades ago, she endured severe physical and mental harassment from her own family members, who couldn’t accept her gender transformation. She was sent to various mental health rehabilitation homes and even faced physical attacks. Relief only came after the Madras High Court ruled in her favour in 2010 and granted legal separation from her parents.

The battle took a heavy toll on Namitha’s mental health which even the court relief could not heal immediately.

“I was severely stressed because of first, the fight with the family and then the legal battle. But I stayed strong to be myself. It took time, but I managed to find my feet and finally at one point, I realised I could balance my life with my career. I felt the need to be a mother, not just to one or two, but to many trans individuals who feel lost in the immediate years after discovering their gender identity. I have 30 kids now, and all of them are focused on their education and employment,” says Namitha about her decision to become a mother.

Street to shelter

Her five-year-old AgniArdhanarishvara foundation in Chennai, has become a shelter for 30 trans individuals now. The latest entrants were Piya from Arur and Gayathri from Ambur, both in their early twenties. Whenever a trans individual seeks her help, Namitha first informs the person's family about their safety. Often, she receives teenagers.

“Running away from your house is not an easy decision. More often than not it adds to one’s problems, rather than be the solution. It is important to make family members understand gender needs and transformation. I know the pain from my own experience. So I reach out to the families and try to counsel them. But when there is a negative response, I inform the police and ensure the child is safe in a voluntary home under my guardianship and also gets an education,” says Namitha.

Since Namitha couldn’t complete her BTech degree due to a series of mental and physical changes, she is very particular that her adopted children complete their education despite all struggles.

“Leaving engineering mid-way is the deepest regret of my life. I had to drop out in my final year since I left home and was struggling to meet expenses for my daily life. Otherwise, I could have had a different life as a software engineer now. Dance was my hobby, and it also helped me earn a living in my initial years. So, I make sure my children complete their education, which empowers them to have better livelihood options,” Namitha says with tears welling up in her eyes.

While Piya has completed her Hotel Management course, Gayathri is undergoing diploma in beautician and parlour management. Luckily for Gayathri, she has found acceptance even with her family.

“Three years ago, my family accepted me. I have been visiting my family once a month these days. Many of my relatives also accepted my transformation and most importantly they respect me and my identity. I had put all lewd comments and caustic criticism behind me,” she says with a beaming smile.

Handholding and fighting fears together

With her record of winning several awards in beauty pageants, she also teaches modelling to her mentees. Twenty-seven-year-old Mehandhi is one of them. Mehandhi completed her diploma in airport and airline management and is currently pursuing a career as a beautician under Namitha's supervision to run her parlour.

Recalling the several visits Namitha made in the last seven years to convince her family, Mehandhi said every visit was like an acid test. There were days when her family would agree to meet and then not be available at home.

"Namitha made serious efforts for about a year to set up a meeting with my family. My parents were not ready to see me as a woman. After several persuasions by Namitha, my parents accepted to meet me. They were shocked and showed a lot of resistance, but now, we have been on talking terms for the last six months," says Mehandhi.

There were days when Mehandhi would be holding Namitha's hand even to face the doctor for treatment. Even after medical treatment, facing herself in the mirror and handling dressing up chores took a year for her.

“Shedding inhibitions, fighting one's own fears is the biggest battle during transformation. I almost felt like I was coming out of a cocoon. I feel good now, I feel safe now. I'm all new now," says Mehandhi, who in 2022 won Miss Tamil Nadu Koovagam contest, a prestigious pageant title among trans individuals in Tamil Nadu.

Darkest fears of parents

After several rounds of conversations with parents, Namitha found out the darkest fear that lingers in the hearts of many parents about the transformation of their trans kids. She said many families are not supportive of sex change and are equally disturbed by the idea of their children resorting to sex work after transformation. But once the trans individual is financially independent, many parents come along.

As a mother of 30 trans kids, Namitha keeps a tab on their health, education, and safety. She also informs them about the availability of legal and medical aids, voluntary helplines, and opportunities for education and jobs.

"The mother knows everything about her kids. As a trans woman, I have adopted many daughters because I understand the pain and want them to lead a dignified life," she said.

Recently, Namitha’s parents reached out to her and accepted her as their daughter. Her family that was upset over losing their male heir, now celebrates her trans identity for her achievements.