Rihanna's tweet and India's funny chorus

This tale, Dear Reader, you’d find really funny,

On this, I am ready to bet every bit of my money,

In the end, you’d be all ha-ha-ha

And, not just ‘cause a newspaper headlined it Riha-ha

This is about a hilarious fight on twitter

To which not many would’ve given a s**t

If many celebrities had not got their nicker,

Khaki or otherwise, in a bit of a twist.

 

So, as you surely know, since circa 2020,

Indian farmers have been a bit grumpy,

Their ire lit by laws passed by government in haste

That, they think, will turn their farms into land waste

Thousands have been protesting on Delhi border,

Asking the government to roll back the new law

But, even after weeks, there has been no thaw,

Because the government won’t rescind its order.

why aren’t we talking about this?! #FarmersProtest https://t.co/obmIlXhK9S

— Rihanna (@rihanna) February 2, 2021

Like always, wary of popular unrest,

The government has put to test,

Its Kashmir model of making protest ultra vires

And erecting barriers of iron nails and concertina wires

Internet in many places has been shut,

Farmers have been labeled terrorists

You may call this a bit unjust

But these are the state’s usual tactics.

 

You, Dear Reader, would at this point obviously ask:

“India today is mostly about protest, vaccine, and mask,

We know farmers are sitting at Ghazipur, Tikri, Singhu,

And getting trolled by dimwits who shame the liberal Hindu,

So, start your tale pronto, do not any more bore us?”

Let me begin by saying this is about a singer vs India,

And if that’s not funny enough, say ooh-la-la in chorus,

There’s also a sub-plot of MEA vs Khalifa Mia.

I would not, Dear Reader, insult your intellect,

Most of you, I am sure, have met Khalifa on internet,

But the singer may need a bit of introduction

Heregoes: name is Rihanna and she’s a global sensation

Her followers on Twitter exceed 100 plus thirty

That number is not in thousands but in millions,

Yet, in India, she’s largely an unknown entity,

Relatively unknown but to millennials.

 

On Wednesday, a tweet from Rihanna,

Made the government behave as if hit by China

Understand the chronology, it’s a bit absurd,

The panic, the mobilisation, all weird

From the home minister to the foreign minister,

Almost everyone reacted to Rihanna,

As if she was about to turn India into Burma

And a mere tweet they gave the aura of a plot sinister.

https://twitter.com/KanganaTeam/status/1357184228165902336

It’s just a tweet on farmers, for God’s sake,

Everyday millions swirl around on the Net,

And get forgotten, that’s usually their fate

Did you not hear from some social media prophet,

A response from the government to a singer is puerile

That it makes India appear laughably wild;

Shah, Jaishankar vs Rihanna is a contest so futile

Even Greta Thunberg is confused who really is the child!

 

What followed, was a theatre even more baffling,

Out came stars and celebs huffing and tumbling,

Akshay, Ajay, Kangana, the government’s usual…

Virat, Shastri, Sachin…the unusual

Tweeting their anger against the singer,

Asking us to—and this sounds like a zinger—

Resist temptation, hashtags and suchlike entities

“Especially when resorted to by celebrities!”

I still #StandWithFarmers and support their peaceful protest.
No amount of hate, threats or violations of human rights will ever change that. #FarmersProtest

— Greta Thunberg (@GretaThunberg) February 4, 2021

Don’t interfere in our internal affairs, they warn all and one,

Heard of preaching what you didn’t practice in Houston?

Howdy Modi! Ab ki baar Trump Sarkar,

Did someone not remind MEA, Chhote Sardar?

Using twitter to ask people not to talk about ‘Vishwaguru’

Ah, even irony would be crying boo-hu-hu;

And China would be wondering, MEA Lordship,

How did we miss such basic tricks of censorship?

 

Calling Rihana a threat to our sovereignty,

Branding Thunberg a challenge to democracy—

Such acts are beneath a government’s dignity

And examples of immature hypocrisy.

What next with this kind of rationale

To deal with mockingbirds send a Rafale?

Truth be told, on Rihanna the government ran itself out

Silly, when it had the services of Kangana Ranaut.

For proof, look at what Kangana has done

Urmila, Rihanna, Mia…

Almost each and every bellicose one

Who crossed her path regretted culpa mea

For she shut them up with poison darts…

Traitors, terrorists, twinkle, twinkle, little porn stars,

Look at the sum of all her social media parts

Kangna has always been a sanskari avatar.

 

Not for nothing is she known as the Queen

‘Off with the head’ is indeed her favourite dream

Even to men double her age,

She has displayed rare anti-Ghalibian rage,

Her standard barb to every Dosanjh, Udhav…

And the ones who trigger her verbal tandav

Has been a dismissive“Tu kya hai?”

Go to Pak, if you’re wondering “ye andaaz-e-guftagu kya hai?”

Farmers constitute an extremely important part of our country. And the efforts being undertaken to resolve their issues are evident. Let’s support an amicable resolution, rather than paying attention to anyone creating differences. 🙏🏻#IndiaTogether #IndiaAgainstPropaganda https://t.co/LgAn6tIwWp

— Akshay Kumar (@akshaykumar) February 3, 2021

Now that we know Kangana’s prowess,

Best to feed Rihannas, Khalifas to our tigress;

She will impale them, O Vikram Seth, with graphic verve

And dissuade government from showing its sensitive nerve

You may call her tactics a bit excessive

But to her fans, bhakts, she’s really impressive

Left to me, I’d anoint her the minister of twitter

But, it’s a suggestion for the government to consider.

 

To the government, here is my two bit:

Next time, when it comes to tweet-fight,

Hand it over to Kangana, coz she’ll be at it,

Without a break, all day & all night

Like a true disciple of his words, if not Churchill

She will fight on twitter, on Malabar Hill,

And, whatever dark place you can imagine,

Till the adversary, real or imagined, is put in a dustbin.